Healthy Sharing Guidelines

In my previous blog post, I mentioned that one of the reasons why I struggled with the idea of starting up a women’s cell group was because I often found that women’s groups were shallow, overly emotional, clicky and that too many women gossiped or whined about their husbands, kids or other stuff in their lives.  Yet, I knew that God was calling me to lead women and that He wanted me to shepherd them in such a ways as to promote positive, healthy community.    

In order to do this, I needed some guidelines for the group.  The first few weeks that we met I really stressed these guidelines and I have found that the group really embraced them and has matured and grown spiritually as a result of them. 

Cell Sharing Guidelines: 

 

  ·      When sharing, remember to take no more than a few minutes so that each person has a chance to share.  Part of being humble and respectful is listening to and encouraging each other.  

 ·      Use cell time as an opportunity to really listen and encourage one another. 

 ·      Please remember the importance of confidentiality.  Cell needs to be a safe place where we can come together and share our strengths and weaknesses and bear one another"s burdens without judgment or criticism.

 ·       Negative talk does not belong in cell.  Cell is not a place for husband-bashing, friend-bashing, mother-in-law bashing, church-bashing or even bashing one another.  

 ·      The focus of cell should be on our OWN walk with Jesus, but often we are more intent on fixing our spouse, our friends, our co-workers, etc.  We need to allow the Holy Spirit to do the fixing in others and use this time at cell to concentrate on our own inner healing and our own relationship with God.  

 ·      Cell is not an opportunity for you to gossip and speak in a negative way about others including your spouse or children.  You can share about a hurt you have experienced, abuse, etc. but no names please.  God holds us accountable for our own reactions, our forgiveness, holding offence, etc. 

 ·      Sharing about someone, when the act of sharing it is not part of the solution to that person's problem, is gossip.

 ·      Prayer is the most important element of our time together!  It is through prayer that we build our relationship with God and He changes us on the inside.  Pray specifically for EACH person in your group. 

Proverbs8:13 The Lord hates pride, arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

Leviticus 19:16 You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people.

I Timothy 5:13 They go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention

Psalm 101:5 Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy.

Take a look at the following inappropriate sharing situations.  Then read what would be a more appropriate way to share the same request.

1.       Inappropriate: The other day, I saw Joey at the liquor mart again.  I really think that she is staring to drink more now that her husband had the affair.  I think we should pray for them.

Appropriate:  I have a friend who is going through a really rough time and I think that maybe she is starting to act out in unhealthy ways.  Can we please pray that God would show me how I can be a good friend to her through all of this? 

2.       Inappropriate: My husband never helps around the house, I am always stuck with all the housework and cooking and he just sits around and watches TV.  Can you please pray that he starts to help some more.

Appropriate:  I’m having some trouble seeing eye to eye with my husband on sharing the workload around the house.  Can you please pray that we can come to an agreement and that I would find a kind and loving way to talk to him about it?

3.       Inappropriate: My sister-in-law always wants to plan the Thanksgiving gathering when it least suits our family.  I’m so frustrated with her; she always has to control the family, everything always has to be about her. Can you pray that she will listen to my side of the story?

Appropriate:  Over the last few years I have felt overlooked when planning the family Thanksgiving Gathering.  It’s really starting to bother me, please pray that I would figure out why this bothers me so much and be able to show kindness and love to the rest of the family in spite of being mistreated.

4.       Inappropriate: The kids are always fighting and never listen to me.  I have tried time-outs, I have tried grounded them from TV but I get no respect.  They just do whatever they want and it’s driving me nuts!  Please pray that they would stop already and show me the respect that I deserve

Appropriate:  I am finding that I’m getting angry and frustrated with the kids a lot lately.  I need prayer in figuring out what boundaries to set with the kids and what consequences I need to set up for their bad behaviour.  Please pray that God would show me ways to do this and that I would stick to the plan.

5.       Inappropriate: There is a lady at work, Sally that is driving me crazy, she never gets her work done, she just talks on the phone all day and surfs the internet and then I have to finish my work and her work or my boss gets mad.  Please pray that she starts to pull her weight and the boss starts to see what is really going on.

Appropriate:  I am struggling with a co-worker that isn’t pulling her weight.  I need prayer in knowing whether or not I should talk to her about it or talk to the boss.  This situation is putting me under a lot of stress so please pray that I will be able to work and getting it resolved.