Prayer Points and Scriptures from Prayer Room Field Trip

Slide One - Thanksgiving

•       Thank God for the way He treats you with respect and that He desires and gives genuine love.

•       Thank God for the freedom that He offers us and that through this freedom we can experience true love, goodness and joy.

•       Listening Prayer:  Jesus, show me more things that I can be thankful for today.   

•       Gal. 5:1 (NIV)  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

•       John 8:36 (NIV) So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

•       Rev. 3:20 (NIV) …I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Slide Two – Personal Prayer (Confession)

•       Listening Prayer:  Jesus, what does being a godly wife and mother look like in the home, with my kids and with my husband?

•       Listening Prayer:  What does “carry their own load” mean for me?

•       Listening Prayer:  Jesus, where am I striving to make a good impression instead of striving to please You? 

•       Gal. 5:22-23 (NIV) ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

•       Gal. 6:5 (NIV) …for each one should carry their own load.

•       Gal. 6:12 (NIV) ¹² Those who want to impress people by means of the flesh are trying to compel you to be circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the cross of Christ.

Slide Three - Personal Prayer

Listening Prayer: It can be hard to love people who have been hurtful towards us.

–      Ask the Lord to show you a time in your life where someone was hurtful towards you

–      Ask Him to show you how this made you feel

–      Ask Him to show you any lies that you believed about this person

–      Ask Him to show you the truth about this person

–      Ask Him to show you how he feels about this person

–      Ask Him to show you how you can forgive and show love to this person

•       Psalm 147:3 (NIV) He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.

•       Psalm 34:18 (NIV) The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

•       Luke 6:37b (NIV) Forgive others, and you will be forgiven

•       Luke 23:34a (NIV)  Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.

Slide Four Personal Prayer

•       Listening Prayer:  Jesus, speak to me about how I love.  How can I grow in demonstrating love to my family more? How am I to love other Christians and people in my community more?

•       Prayer:  Pray that you would grow in valuing love, which is the currency of Heaven.  Pray that you would make a determined decision to love as Christ loved.  Pray that you would pursue real genuine love instead of selfish love or weak love that enables others.

•       Romans 12:9-11 (NLT) ⁹ Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them… ¹⁰ Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ¹¹ Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.

•       Gal. 5:14 (NIV)  For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Slide Five - Families

•       Thank God for the husband that He blessed you with. Thank Him for knowing all things past, present and future and in that divine knowledge putting you and your husband together.

•       Listening Prayer: Ask God to show you 2-3 practical ways your husband supports you (domestic duties, financial, etc.).  Thank God for these things.

•       Thank Him for each of your children (by name) asking Him to show you 1 amazing personality trait He gave to each of them.  

•       Eph. 5:33 (NLT) …the wife must respect her husband.

•       James 1:17 (NIV) Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

•       Psalm 127:3 (ESV) Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

Slide Six - Husbands

•       Pray for your husband’s heart to be softened towards the Lord, that He would desire God’s ways and obey the Lord, walking in His truths.

•       Pray for your husband to have an undivided heart, one that surrenders fully to God.

•       Pray for your husband to have a deeper revelation of Christ’s love towards him which would become a reality in his life. 

•       Listening Prayer:  Jesus, what else should I pray for my husband?

•       Psalm 86:11-13 (NIV) ¹¹ Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. ¹² I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. ¹³ For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead.

Slide Seven - Children

•       Pray for your children to grow up to love the Lord with all their hearts, souls, minds and strength. Pray that out of this fiery passionate love for God that they would hate evil. 

•       Pray for your children to receive the light of truth from God, exposing lies and deception in our culture and leading them to righteousness, joy and rejoicing.

•       Listening Prayer:  Jesus, what else can I pray for my children?

•       Mark 12:30 (NIV)  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

•       Psalm 97:10-12 (NIV) ¹⁰ Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for He guards the lives of His faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. ¹¹ Light shines on the righteous and joy on the upright in heart. ¹² Rejoice in the Lord, you who are righteous, and praise His holy name.

Slide Eight - Marriages

•       Pray for a spirit of unity and oneness between husbands and wives; for selfless love to grow. 

•       Pray for forgiving hearts and short accounts.

•       Pray for deeper levels of intimacy/romantic love to be experienced by husband and wives.

•       Pray that Christ would become the foundation that marriages are built upon.

•       Pray for perseverance and steadfastness in marriages; that they would weather the storms that life brings.

•       Mark 10:8-9 (NIV) …the two will become ‘one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

•       Gal. 5:13b (NIV) …serve one another humbly in love.

•       Eccl. 4:9-12 (NIV) ⁹ Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: ¹⁰ If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. ¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? ¹² Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Three Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship as Demonstrated By God

FREEDOM

God and us

God gave us free will.  He does not force Himself into our lives, He stand and knocks (Rev. 3:20). He gives us a choice to open the door and let Him in or to keep Him on the outside. He treats us with respect and lets us choose. This freedom means that we are free to be good and we are also free to be bad. This is what has made evil possible. 

Why would God give us such freedom? Because even though freedom makes evil possible it is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. Freedom means that we have a choice

Gal. 5:1 (NIV)  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

John 8:36 (NIV) So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

The opposite of freedom is control, God does not control us. He sets guidelines and consequences in His Word and He lets us choose to obey them or not.  

Our Relationships

God does not control us and therefore we are not to be controlled by others or control others. Nagging is a form of control – when we nag and finally get our way we don’t feel happy or loved because the fruit of controlling others is not love.  Emotional manipulation is also a form of control. Love can only exist where there is freedom and where a  person has a choice to say yes or no and freely chooses yes freely.  That’s why God gives us freedom even though He knows that some people will choose evil or disobedience – it’s because He desires real love which means giving us freedom.  If we want to treat others, including our spouse, the way God treats us then we must give up controlling others because control is the opposite of freedom. We should be like God and set guidelines and consequences and give people freedom to choose

And if they choose contrary to what we would like them to choose then we take responsibility for how that makes us feel. That brings us to our next characteristic – responsibility

RESPONSIBILITY

Our relationship with God is a two way street. God is responsible for part of it and we are responsible for the other part. We both have responsibilities.

God and Us

God’s Responsibility:  God plays a part in growing us in our Christian maturity, one way that God does this is through disciplining us

Heb. 12:5b-6 (NIV) “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, ⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.

Another way God works to grow us is through the Holy Spirit who works within us to change us and mature us, giving us greater holiness

2 Thess. 2:13 (NIV) ¹³ But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters loved by the Lord, because God chose you as firstfruits to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth.

It is the Holy Spirit that produces the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23).  

My Responsibility: To strive to obey God and take steps that will increase our growth.  We pray and ask for Him to grow us. We obey!  Obedience is the way in which we work out our salvation

Phil. 2:12 (NIV) ¹² Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling

When we obey we work out the further realization of the benefits of salvation in our Christian lives. We can’t expect God to magically make us stronger and more holy and make us into mature Christians if we are not willing to obey His Word.

1 Tim. 5:22 (NASB) …keep yourself free from sin

We are to abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thess. 4:3). We are to shun immorality (1 Cor. 6:18), cleanse ourselves from defilement (2 Cor. 7:1), make every effort to grow in character traits that accord with godliness (2 Peter 1:5). Christians are to continually build up patterns and habits of holiness. There are no short-cuts by which we can grow but simply we must repeatedly give ourselves to:

• Bible reading and mediation (Ps. 1:2; Matt. 4:4, John 17:17)

• Prayer (Eph. 6:18; Phil. 4:6)

• Worship (Eph. 5:18-20)

• Witnessing (Matt. 28:19-20)

• Christian fellowship (Heb. 10:24-25)

• Self-discipline or self-control (Gal. 5:23; Titus 1:8)

 Our Relationships

The same idea is true in our relationships.  There are some things I am responsible for and some things I am not responsible for.

KEY POINT: I am responsible for my feelings, my attitudes, my behaviours, my choices, setting limits, using my talents, my thoughts, my desires, my likes and dislikes and my values

Rom. 14:12 (NIV) … each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

God will not accept excuses such as, “he made me feel that way”, or “she drove me to it”

ILLUSTRATION: If I struggle with anger I must take responsibility for my anger and not blame it on someone else.  Someone may have provoked my anger but I are responsible for my response to that person

ILLUSTRATION:  If in my desire to pursue holiness I decide not to watch a particular movie and this makes my husband mad – his anger is his responsibility, not mine.  I don’t have to feel bad about that.

Many women actually struggle with taking too much responsibility for their husband’s life

ILLUSTRATION:  You are not responsible for your husband overeating, he is responsible for what he eats, you are not responsible for your husband’s spiritual growth but you are responsible to pray for him

When our husbands are going through a tough time we are responsible to care for them but ultimately they are responsible for their own feelings, attitudes, behaviours, etc. 

KEY POINT: In order to take better responsibility for our feelings, attitudes and behaviours we may need to limit the effect that evil choices of other people make can have on our lives

ILLUSTRATION:  if hanging around a particular person causes me to become depressed, critical, judgmental, angry, or if I slip into gossip around a particular person then I must LIMIT my exposure to that person

Yet we can take this point one step further

KEY POINT: We must refuse to rescue or enable sinful behaviour or immature behaviour, this includes our husbands. 

We have a responsibility to set limits on our husbands destructive acts or attitudes

EXAMPLE:  if your husband has a gambling problem then you need to set limits such as cancelling his credit cards, separating your joint accounts and insisting that he get professional help – to force him to take responsibility for his problem.  The same is true for pornography, drugs or violence.   

LOVE

God and Us

God, at His very essence, is love

I John 4:16 (NIV) … God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

God does love and He is love.

God loves us unconditionally

God’s love is self-giving and sacrificial

His love is selfless

God’s love includes giving us choice to love or not to love him back (freedom) and it requires us to take responsibility.  These three things all go hand in hand – freedom, responsibility, love!

This is the kind of love that God calls us to emulate

Our Relationships

The greatest commandment centers around love

Matt. 22:37, 39 (NIV) Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

God created and designed us to love Him and to love each other.

Love is a central element in relationships such as marriage and family as well as friendships

KEY POINT: A good working definition of love is that it is a stance that promotes the welfare of the other

Love is content to know that the other person has benefited in some way by its efforts. It transcends our desires for ourselves, and desires instead what is best for the other person. When we really love, we give up selfishness and empathetically enter the world of the other person’s needs, hurts and dreams. I talk to many women who mention to me that the love in their marriage seems to be lost, they had all sorts of love while they were dating and when they were first married but the love just seems to be gone. I have news for them – those feelings when you were dating and first married were probably not really love, they were probably a combination of hormones and lust and selfishness. There may have been romance, there may have been all sorts of emotional feelings of being attracted so someone and having that person attracted to you but in reality when we were dating and first married when we said the words “I love you” we were actually saying “there is something about you that gratifies me in some way and I like it”.  See how selfish that is!

God wants us to move past selfish love in our relationships and move towards real love, the kind of love that He has for us.  This means forgiving those who have hurt us. This means that we stop judging and being critical of others since that is not love. Neither is enabling others to continue in sinful lifestyles, as we talked about before. God’s love is self-giving and sacrificial but it also does not control – remember, love means freedom and responsibility.  

Prayer and Reflection Questions:

1. Thanksgiving: Spend some time thanking God for His goodness in your life.  Thank Him for His unfailing love that goes on forever.  Thank Him that He is faithful.
2. Listening Prayer: Jesus, speak to me about how I treat others.   
3. Listening Prayer: How can I grow healthy relationships with my family? 
4. Listening Prayer:  Controlling others is not love.   Ask the Lord to remind you of a time when you tried to control someone else.  Confess this as sin, and then invite Jesus to show you how you can love this person with His love. 
5. Listening Prayer: In a relationship both people have responsibilities.  How can I grow in taking responsibility for what I am responsible for and balance that with avoiding taking responsibility of what the other person needs to take ownership of, while showing care?

Benefits of A Relationship With God

There are many benefits of being in a relationship with God.  Love, joy, peace, forgiveness (removal of guilt), meaning and purpose, eternal life, guidance are just a few!  

GOD

John 17:3 (NIV) This is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.


Some people are actually a bit scared of God; they view Him like a teacher/parent/judge who wants to get them into trouble all the time. They don’t trust Him, they don’t believe He loves them or cares much about their lives, they rather see God as harsh, mad, distant. No one really wants to spend time with someone who doesn't like them, we dread that! Is this really what God intended when He made us?  NO!

God is eternal and has always existed in relationship with Himself. In the middle of the relationship between God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit, no need or lack ever existed.  God, within Himself, lacked nothing; there was no void in His heart since He is perfect in love and pleasure.  It was out of this perfect wholeness that God created humanity – not to fill a void in Himself but to share His fullness with us.
God made us for Himself, He talks great pleasure in being in relationship with us! 

Psalm 16:11 (NIV) "In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

He did not create humanity out of His need but out of His desire.  Think about that for a minute.  God created you because He desired you.

Revelation 4:11 (NLT) You created everything, and it is for Your pleasure that they existed and were created. 

This makes our lives incredibly significant when we realize that God did not need to create us, but He wanted to!  He wants to have a relationship with you. What better significance could there be!!! Except something went wrong to hinder this relationship.  

SIN

ILLUSTRATION:  If I do something to offend my husband, it gets chilly in the room!  We’re suddenly not talking or communicating.  Our relationship is hindered.  But what if I commit the greatest sin against him, what if I am unfaithful and run after another man?  This doesn't just create a chill in the room; it creates a divide or a gulf between him and me. It’s the same with God and us.

Isaiah 59:2 (NLT) It’s your sins that have cut you off from God.  Because of your sins, He has turned away and will not listen anymore. 

Sin is any failure to conform to the moral law of God in:

• What we do – Actions (lying, murder, gossip, stealing, etc.)

• What we feel – Attitudes (lust, coveting, anger, jealousy, etc.)

• Who we are – Our Nature (selfishness, pride, etc.)

Every person on earth is enslaved to sin.  We are all corrupt, each and every one of us! 

David wrote: Psalm 51:5 (NLT) For I was born a sinner – yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

Romans 3:23 (NIV) For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Sin is not a rare abnormality, sin is who we are, it’s our very nature.  Think about the Ten Commandments for a minute – which ones have you or someone you know committed or been victim of? Stealing, lying, coveting, disobeying parents, misusing the name of God (they have an ice cream named OMG), other gods (greed, material things, entertainment stars, sports stars, etc.), sexual sin (lust, pornography, fornication, affairs, rape, sex slaves, human trafficking, prostitution, incest).  

Can you imagine how different our world would be without sin? We have broken every commandment, we have ignored God.  We've thrown Him out of our classrooms, out of our government’s chambers, out of our businesses, and professions, the media, the public square, our families and our personals lives.  We live to please ourselves with no regard for what He thinks or wants.  And you know what the biggest sin is – many Christians don’t even seem to care!  There is an incredible lack of confession in the lives of believers today and that alone is evidence of how they view sin and that they are deceived.  Many believers are deceived and blind to their own personal sin.   God’s holy nature cannot tolerate sin. Yet we have churches full of Christians who are deceived into believing that sin isn't a big deal or worse yet, they can’t even see their own sins because of their spiritual blindness and cold, hard hearts. Therefore they are separated from God and lack genuine relationship with Him. THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM – the very beings that God created to have relationship with, He cannot dwell with due to sin. 

MAN

ILLUSTRATION: If I have been unfaithful to my spouse do you think that I can save my marriage by cooking him his favorite meal?  NO! If fact, this may actually tick my husband off because I have broken the marriage relationship and I’m pretending that all is good.  In the same way, I cannot be reconciled to God and bridge the gulf and save the relationship just by behaving a bit more.

Titus 3:5 (NKJV) not by works of righteousness that we have done but according to His mercy He saved us  

Jesus

ILLUSTRATION:  If I have been unfaithful to my spouse it will probably take some sort of mediation to bring us back together again, a counselor to help us fix our marriage and make it healthy again.  The same is true with the gulf separating us from God – we need a mediator to bridge the gap. God has provided us with this mediator, Jesus Christ. 

1 Tim. 2:5) (NIV) For there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

Jesus died on the cross and took the punishment we deserved for our sins against God. The whole work of God in redemption is to undo the tragic effects of our sin and to bring us back into right relationship with Himself.  Jesus paid the penalty for our sin when He died on the cross.  When we are blind to our sin we can’t really appreciate what Jesus did for us. As we grow in God we see more and more of our sins, we confess them and we actually begin to love, worship and thank Jesus MORE!  Our relationship with God grows!      

What does a RELATIONSHIP with God look like?

It looks like a relationship with anybody else! Joy, companionship, support, friendship, encouragement, mentoring, counselling, unconditional love, provision, comfort, surprises, enjoyment, blessings, protection, discipline, motivation, listening, etc. If you desire this type of relationship with God then the first place to start is to get into His Word through Bible reading and start talking to Him through prayer.  You don’t need to even know what you are doing!  Just start! The Bible is the primary way we get to know God.  It tells us how we are to live, so we can be in right relationship with Him. It tells us about God, so we can know Him better.  It acts like a love letter so that we can actually know Him and His heart. That’s why having Bible reading/Devotions is an integral part of this cell group. 

If you are here and you are struggling with devo’s and reading your Bible, that’s OK!  We are here to HELP!  We have ALL been there!  No one in this room can say that they have had devo’s 100% of the time since they became a Christian! In fact, very few of us probably can even say that we have had devotions 100% of the time in the past year!  We are in this together, no matter where you are at, we are here to work together to help each other grow. If you haven’t had devo’s all summer, then we will help you start or re-start. Wherever you are at, we are here to help you improve on that! We all can learn and grow from each other! I am constantly looking for new ways to get more out of my devo’s.  If you have any suggestions, I would LOVE to hear them! Just a note – no one is keeping track, we are here to encourage you, not to condemn you! We are here to BUILD our relationship with God!  Bible Reading and Prayer is an integral part of that!    

Prayer and Reflection Questions:

1. What would be 4-5 benefits that you would experience in your life from growing in your relationship with God?
2. What are 2-3 areas of sin that God wants to speak to you about today and have you clear up with Him through confession so that you can grow in your relationship with God?
3. Write prayer of thanksgiving to Jesus for being the mediator between you and God making the way for you to have a relationship with God. 
4. Ask the Lord to show you what sort of devotional commitment (Bible Reading and Prayer) you should make for the next week. 

The Blame Game

We love to take responsibility when things go well but often find it hard to take responsibility when things are not going well

Example:  A test in school.  You do well on the test:   well that’s because you studied or because you are smart or were well-prepared.  You do poorly on a test:  that’s the teacher’s fault, she put trick  questions on the test, or you had a bad sleep last night or couldn't concentrate

When we share things about our lives, we tend to tell them in a way that places us in the best possible light but when things go wrong, we often blame other people.  We blame our spouse, our parents, our neighbors, the government, the media…the list is endless.  But blaming gets us no where. By blaming others we transfer power to them and paralyze ourselves.  Blame teaches us to wait for them to change, meanwhile we are helpless.  When we believe that our problems are caused by other people then we are stuck just sitting around waiting for other people to fix our problems.  Blaming reduces the chance of making successful changes.  When a problem arises in your relationships, are you quick to blame or do you carefully consider how you may be contributing to the problem? Figuring out what’s your part does not come easy but it is essential to for personal growth.  Taking responsibility instead of blaming others actually strengthens your position; it doesn't weaken it, but rather it puts you in the driver’s seat.  You can now do something about the problem. 

Some women come to cell and constantly share and ask for prayer for their husbands.  Let’s assume your husband is angry, irresponsible, inattentive, and self-centered.  You will not grow if all you do is react to his sins and spend your time trying to fix him.  Instead, I would suggest that you become more deeply concerned about your own issues, than your husbands.  You are not responsible to God for your husband’s behaviors and attitudes – you are only responsible to God for your own behaviors and attitudes.  You cannot fix your spouse so come to cell to work on yourself.  You don’t have the power to change your spouse. The best possible thing that you can do for your marriage is to work on yourself!!!

BOUNDARIES Part Five – Boundaries with Yourself

Sophia had been working on her boundaries issues for a while and was seeing progress in conflicts with her family and friends.  Yet today she was forced to face another area that needed her attention in the area of setting limits.  Sophia had tremendous boundary problems with this woman.  She eats too much, she has an attacking tongue, and this lady is undependable, letting her down all the time.  She’s spends her money and puts her down constantly.  This woman was Sophia!

If many of us were to take a close look at our lives we would probably find times when we have troubles setting boundaries on ourselves.    How do we learn to set limits on ourselves?  Is it possible that our biggest enemy is within us?  Today, instead of looking at how others have controlled and manipulated us we’ll look at our responsibility to control our own bodies.

1 Thess. 4:4 each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable (NIV)

Laziness

Some people are great starters but have trouble finishing while others don’t bother to start something in the first place.  Whether it’s a school or work project, or a task around the house, an exercise program or a new business venture – people who struggle in this area often have a few things in common.  They can resist the discipline needed to start and finish something.  Sometimes they have an aversion to the boring mundane responsibilities that are required in finishing a task – they love the excitement of a new idea but lose interest when the rubber hits the road.  Others get distracted too easily.  If this sounds like you then you may have a self-boundary issue.   

Diet and Exercise

It doesn't matter if you are overweight, rail thin or in the middle – diet and exercise can still control you no matter what the scale says.  Many women turn to food as a place to go to when they are stressed out or tired and feel tremendous guilt when they overeat.  Other women under eat and over exercise to try to attain the perfect body even if this includes going well beyond moderation and healthy eating to attain an unrealistic ideal.   

Finances

People can have many different forms of boundary issues with money:  impulse spending, careless budgeting, living beyond one’s means, credit problems, chronically borrowing money from friends or unsuccessful saving plans.  Most people would agree that we should be in control of our finances.  This includes saving money and keeping costs down.  Many people think that if they just earned more money their money problems would go away.  But the fact is that when your spending exceeds your income then you have a self-boundary issue, no matter how much you earn. 

Busyness

Our culture is one where people flit here and there and rarely have a minute to breathe, relax or recover.  There is just not enough time in a day to accomplish every task.  Some people are unrealistic about what they can accomplish in a given amount of time.  Others overcommit because they fear hurting someone’s feelings?  There are those who just plainly neglect to plan ahead.   Are you overly busy?  Do you lack time to get everything done?  Are you constantly struggling to have peace and rest in your home?  You may just have a self-boundary issue. 

Gossip/The Tongue

When we feel like we can’t hold back or set boundaries on what comes out of our mouths then we have tongue self-boundary issues.  We are responsible for each word that comes out of our mouths and need to take responsibilities for each word that we speak. 

Why Doesn't Saying “NO” to Self Work?

Taking responsibility for ourselves is hard.  When you are around a person who is overly critical and finds fault with everything you can set limits on your exposure to this person.  You can change the subject or walk out of the room.  But what if this critical person is in your own head?  What if you are the one constantly criticizing yourself?  What if your biggest enemy is yourself? 

Whether the boundary issue is food, substances, sex, time, projects, the tongue or money, we can’t solve it in a vacuum.  The more we isolate ourselves the harder our struggle becomes.  Too many people try to use willpower to solve self-boundary problems.  The problem with this approach is that it makes an idol of your will, something God never intended.  If we depend on willpower alone we are guaranteed to fail.  We are denying the power of the cross of Christ.  If all we need is willpower to overcome problems then we don’t need a Saviour.  The truth is that willpower is useless against self-boundary problems.  Whether it’s indulgence in food, indulgence in money, or indulgence in slanderous conversations or still another’s determination to exercise or finish a project – you will not be healed by your willpower.  We need Jesus to guide us and help us learn to set appropriate self-boundaries.

Connecting to Jesus through Prayer:

1.       Ask Jesus to show you any destructive fruit in your life that comes from not being able to say no to yourself.  (Examples: diet and exercise, overspending, time, lust/sexuality, laziness, busyness, gossip/tongue, substance abuse, etc.)

2.       Take ownership of your self-boundary issue.  The behaviour may be traceable to family problems (not all your fault) but they are still your responsibility.  Write a prayer of confession to the Lord repenting of areas where you have failed and fallen short. 

3.       Ask the Lord to show you where this started in your life (Example: a personal sin, someone who sinned against you, a childhood issue, fear/anxiety, an unmet emotional needs, legalism, unforgiveness, woundedness, etc.). Ask Jesus what He wants to say to you about this. 

4.       Ask Jesus to show you any lies that you believed about yourself and/or any strongholds that formed as a result of this?  Break the stronghold/lie through prayer.

5.       Ask Jesus to show you the truth about this issue or struggle.  Are there any steps that He is asking you to take today?  Commit to following through on them. 

6.       Ask Jesus how you can plug into Him and how you can plug into a supportive Christian community that can help you grow and develop safe self-boundaries.  Ask Him to show you how He feels about you! 

If you are struggling with working through a bigger issue, give it time and do this process several times over the next few weeks and months.  If you require assistance feel free to go to After Service Prayer (in the prayer room after each weekend service ) or contact the church office for a personal prayer ministry appointment. 

Recommended Reading:  Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend