Sophia had been working on her boundaries issues for a while
and was seeing progress in conflicts with her family and friends. Yet today she was forced to face another area
that needed her attention in the area of setting limits. Sophia had tremendous boundary problems with
this woman. She eats too much, she has
an attacking tongue, and this lady is undependable, letting her down all the time. She’s spends her money and puts her down
constantly. This woman was Sophia!
If many of us were to take a close look at our lives we
would probably find times when we have troubles setting boundaries on ourselves. How
do we learn to set limits on ourselves?
Is it possible that our biggest enemy is within us? Today, instead of looking at how others have
controlled and manipulated us we’ll look at our responsibility to control our
own bodies.
1 Thess. 4:4 each
of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable (NIV)
Laziness
Some people are great starters but have trouble finishing
while others don’t bother to start something in the first place. Whether it’s a school or work project, or a task
around the house, an exercise program or a new business venture – people who
struggle in this area often have a few things in common. They can resist the discipline needed to start
and finish something. Sometimes they have
an aversion to the boring mundane responsibilities that are required in
finishing a task – they love the excitement of a new idea but lose interest
when the rubber hits the road. Others
get distracted too easily. If this sounds
like you then you may have a self-boundary issue.
Diet and Exercise
It doesn't matter if you are overweight, rail thin or in the
middle – diet and exercise can still control you no matter what the scale
says. Many women turn to food as a place
to go to when they are stressed out or tired and feel tremendous guilt when
they overeat. Other women under eat and
over exercise to try to attain the perfect body even if this includes going
well beyond moderation and healthy eating to attain an unrealistic ideal.
Finances
People can have many different forms of boundary issues with
money: impulse spending, careless
budgeting, living beyond one’s means, credit problems, chronically borrowing
money from friends or unsuccessful saving plans. Most people would agree that we should be in
control of our finances. This includes saving
money and keeping costs down. Many
people think that if they just earned more money their money problems would go
away. But the fact is that when your
spending exceeds your income then you have a self-boundary issue, no matter how
much you earn.
Busyness
Our culture is one where people flit here and there and
rarely have a minute to breathe, relax or recover. There is just not enough time in a day to
accomplish every task. Some people are unrealistic
about what they can accomplish in a given amount of time. Others overcommit because they fear hurting
someone’s feelings? There are those who
just plainly neglect to plan ahead. Are you overly busy? Do you lack time to get everything done? Are you constantly struggling to have peace
and rest in your home? You may just have
a self-boundary issue.
Gossip/The Tongue
When we feel like we can’t hold back or set boundaries on
what comes out of our mouths then we have tongue self-boundary issues. We are responsible for each word that comes
out of our mouths and need to take responsibilities for each word that we
speak.
Why Doesn't Saying “NO” to Self Work?
Taking responsibility for ourselves is hard. When you are around a person who is overly
critical and finds fault with everything you can set limits on your exposure to
this person. You can change the subject
or walk out of the room. But what if
this critical person is in your own head?
What if you are the one constantly criticizing yourself? What if your biggest enemy is yourself?
Whether the boundary issue is food, substances, sex, time,
projects, the tongue or money, we can’t solve it in a vacuum. The more we isolate ourselves the harder our
struggle becomes. Too many people try to
use willpower to solve self-boundary problems. The problem with this approach is that it
makes an idol of your will, something God never intended. If we depend on willpower alone we are
guaranteed to fail. We are denying the
power of the cross of Christ. If all we
need is willpower to overcome problems then we don’t need a Saviour. The truth is that willpower is useless against
self-boundary problems. Whether it’s
indulgence in food, indulgence in money, or indulgence in slanderous
conversations or still another’s determination to exercise or finish a project –
you will not be healed by your willpower.
We need Jesus to guide us and help us learn to set appropriate
self-boundaries.
Connecting to Jesus through Prayer:
1.
Ask Jesus to show you any destructive fruit in
your life that comes from not being able to say no to yourself. (Examples: diet and exercise, overspending,
time, lust/sexuality, laziness, busyness, gossip/tongue, substance abuse, etc.)
2.
Take ownership of your self-boundary issue. The behaviour may be traceable to family
problems (not all your fault) but they are still your responsibility. Write a prayer of confession to the Lord
repenting of areas where you have failed and fallen short.
3.
Ask the Lord to show you where this started in
your life (Example: a personal sin, someone who sinned against you, a childhood
issue, fear/anxiety, an unmet emotional needs, legalism, unforgiveness,
woundedness, etc.). Ask Jesus what He wants to say to you about this.
4.
Ask Jesus to show you any lies that you believed
about yourself and/or any strongholds that formed as a result of this? Break the stronghold/lie through prayer.
5.
Ask Jesus to show you the truth about this issue
or struggle. Are there any steps that He
is asking you to take today? Commit to following
through on them.
6.
Ask Jesus how you can plug into Him and how you
can plug into a supportive Christian community that can help you grow and
develop safe self-boundaries. Ask Him to
show you how He feels about you!
If you are struggling with working through a
bigger issue, give it time and do this process several times over the next few
weeks and months. If you require
assistance feel free to go to After Service Prayer (in the prayer room after
each weekend service ) or contact the church office for a personal prayer
ministry appointment.
Recommended Reading: Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
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