Monday, August 12, 2013

BOUNDARIES Part Five – Boundaries with Yourself

Sophia had been working on her boundaries issues for a while and was seeing progress in conflicts with her family and friends.  Yet today she was forced to face another area that needed her attention in the area of setting limits.  Sophia had tremendous boundary problems with this woman.  She eats too much, she has an attacking tongue, and this lady is undependable, letting her down all the time.  She’s spends her money and puts her down constantly.  This woman was Sophia!

If many of us were to take a close look at our lives we would probably find times when we have troubles setting boundaries on ourselves.    How do we learn to set limits on ourselves?  Is it possible that our biggest enemy is within us?  Today, instead of looking at how others have controlled and manipulated us we’ll look at our responsibility to control our own bodies.

1 Thess. 4:4 each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable (NIV)

Laziness
Some people are great starters but have trouble finishing while others don’t bother to start something in the first place.  Whether it’s a school or work project, or a task around the house, an exercise program or a new business venture – people who struggle in this area often have a few things in common.  They can resist the discipline needed to start and finish something.  Sometimes they have an aversion to the boring mundane responsibilities that are required in finishing a task – they love the excitement of a new idea but lose interest when the rubber hits the road.  Others get distracted too easily.  If this sounds like you then you may have a self-boundary issue.   

Diet and Exercise
It doesn't matter if you are overweight, rail thin or in the middle – diet and exercise can still control you no matter what the scale says.  Many women turn to food as a place to go to when they are stressed out or tired and feel tremendous guilt when they overeat.  Other women under eat and over exercise to try to attain the perfect body even if this includes going well beyond moderation and healthy eating to attain an unrealistic ideal.   

Finances
People can have many different forms of boundary issues with money:  impulse spending, careless budgeting, living beyond one’s means, credit problems, chronically borrowing money from friends or unsuccessful saving plans.  Most people would agree that we should be in control of our finances.  This includes saving money and keeping costs down.  Many people think that if they just earned more money their money problems would go away.  But the fact is that when your spending exceeds your income then you have a self-boundary issue, no matter how much you earn. 

Busyness
Our culture is one where people flit here and there and rarely have a minute to breathe, relax or recover.  There is just not enough time in a day to accomplish every task.  Some people are unrealistic about what they can accomplish in a given amount of time.  Others overcommit because they fear hurting someone’s feelings?  There are those who just plainly neglect to plan ahead.   Are you overly busy?  Do you lack time to get everything done?  Are you constantly struggling to have peace and rest in your home?  You may just have a self-boundary issue. 

Gossip/The Tongue
When we feel like we can’t hold back or set boundaries on what comes out of our mouths then we have tongue self-boundary issues.  We are responsible for each word that comes out of our mouths and need to take responsibilities for each word that we speak. 

Why Doesn't Saying “NO” to Self Work?
Taking responsibility for ourselves is hard.  When you are around a person who is overly critical and finds fault with everything you can set limits on your exposure to this person.  You can change the subject or walk out of the room.  But what if this critical person is in your own head?  What if you are the one constantly criticizing yourself?  What if your biggest enemy is yourself? 

Whether the boundary issue is food, substances, sex, time, projects, the tongue or money, we can’t solve it in a vacuum.  The more we isolate ourselves the harder our struggle becomes.  Too many people try to use willpower to solve self-boundary problems.  The problem with this approach is that it makes an idol of your will, something God never intended.  If we depend on willpower alone we are guaranteed to fail.  We are denying the power of the cross of Christ.  If all we need is willpower to overcome problems then we don’t need a Saviour.  The truth is that willpower is useless against self-boundary problems.  Whether it’s indulgence in food, indulgence in money, or indulgence in slanderous conversations or still another’s determination to exercise or finish a project – you will not be healed by your willpower.  We need Jesus to guide us and help us learn to set appropriate self-boundaries.

Connecting to Jesus through Prayer:
1.       Ask Jesus to show you any destructive fruit in your life that comes from not being able to say no to yourself.  (Examples: diet and exercise, overspending, time, lust/sexuality, laziness, busyness, gossip/tongue, substance abuse, etc.)
2.       Take ownership of your self-boundary issue.  The behaviour may be traceable to family problems (not all your fault) but they are still your responsibility.  Write a prayer of confession to the Lord repenting of areas where you have failed and fallen short. 
3.       Ask the Lord to show you where this started in your life (Example: a personal sin, someone who sinned against you, a childhood issue, fear/anxiety, an unmet emotional needs, legalism, unforgiveness, woundedness, etc.). Ask Jesus what He wants to say to you about this. 
4.       Ask Jesus to show you any lies that you believed about yourself and/or any strongholds that formed as a result of this?  Break the stronghold/lie through prayer.
5.       Ask Jesus to show you the truth about this issue or struggle.  Are there any steps that He is asking you to take today?  Commit to following through on them. 
6.       Ask Jesus how you can plug into Him and how you can plug into a supportive Christian community that can help you grow and develop safe self-boundaries.  Ask Him to show you how He feels about you! 


If you are struggling with working through a bigger issue, give it time and do this process several times over the next few weeks and months.  If you require assistance feel free to go to After Service Prayer (in the prayer room after each weekend service ) or contact the church office for a personal prayer ministry appointment. 


Recommended Reading:  Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend









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